The real start of anal intimacy is not when something touches your butt. It is when you decide you actually want it today.

Your basics:

• Everyone is sober.
• The receiver controls pace, depth, and if things continue.
• You can stop at any moment for any reason.

Simple boundary language:

“I want to try this slowly, with lots of lube and no surprises.”
“If I say pause or stop, I need you to listen straight away.”

Red flags to pause entirely:

• Unexplained rectal bleeding
• Unresolved pain
• Hemorrhoid flare, active fissure, or infection
• Recent rectal or pelvic surgery without clearance
• Feeling pressured, unsafe, or rushed

There is no “too late” to say no. Your body leads. Everything else follows.

A little anatomy makes the whole process less mysterious.

• You have two muscle rings at the entrance.
• The outer one tightens when you are nervous.
• The inner one takes longer to soften.
• The most sensitive nerves sit in the first few centimetres.

Your butt squeezes first as a safety check. It lets in what feels safe, not what feels forced.

If you rush, the muscles clamp down. If you move slowly, breathe, and use proper lube, they soften and wrap instead of resisting.

Most people overthink anal hygiene. You do not need a sterile cleanse. You need basic care:

• Normal shower
• Warm water and gentle soap around the area
• Trimmed nails
• Clean toys before and after use

Optional extra clean feeling:

• Warm water only rinse with a small bulb (60–120 millilitres)
• No soaps inside
• One or two rinses max
• Let your body settle before play

Back to front rule:

Never switch from anal to vaginal without changing condoms and washing hands or toys.

Mess can happen even with prep. Adults handle it. Towels exist. Wipes exist. Anxiety does not prevent it.

Your rectum does not self lubricate. Without added glide, friction turns sharp fast.

Your safest default:

• Thick water based gel
• Condom safe
• Toy safe
• Cushions better
• Stays where you put it

Material matching:

• Silicone toys → water based lube
• Glass or stainless steel → water or silicone

No numbing or “extreme warming” products inside the rectum.

Your rules:

• Coat you and whatever is going in
• Use more than you think
• Reapply at the first hint of drag or warmth
• Stop if anything burns or pinches

If you change nothing else after reading this guide, switching to a thick anal safe water based gel will improve your experience more than any toy.

Your pelvic floor listens to your nervous system. If your brain is anxious, your butt will clench.

Helpful resets:

• Warm shower
• Slow exhales
• Jaw soft, shoulders down
• Soft lighting, no interruptions
• Tell your body there is nothing to prove

If you have had a bad first time, acknowledge that. You are not recreating that story. This time, you lead.

Starting alone is often the simplest, safest way to relearn what feels good.

A basic beginner flow:

1. Set the scene
Warm room, towel, lube, toy optional.

2. Begin with general arousal
Get turned on however you usually do. Do not start cold.

3. Warm up on the outside
Circle the rim with a lubricated fingertip and notice what softens you.

4. Invite shallow entry
On an exhale, let the fingertip glide slightly inside and stop there. Stillness helps relaxation.

5. Stay in the shallow zone
Most sensation lives here. Depth is optional and more for those who have gotten used to the feelings, however not required.

If your body tightens, pause. Circle the outside again. You set the tone.

Seloura tip
Short nails or a lubricated nitrile glove feel smoother and less scratchy for anal.

The biggest difference in partner anal play is communication, not technique.

Before:

• Agree on pace.
• Receiver leads.
• Choose a “stop” and a “pause” word.
• Say what is off the table today.

During:

Use short, direct words:

“Slower.”
“More lube.”
“Hold still.”
“Back a little.”

The giver watches breath, shoulders, and facial cues. Any sign of tension means pause, lube, and reset.

If a partner gets defensive when you speak up, that is not a technique issue. That is a respect issue.

Safe anal toys have non negotiable features:

• Flared base, or appropriate handles
• Body safe materials such as silicone, glass, or stainless steel
• Sizes that match your real comfort level

Simple progression:

• Finger and rim circles
• Slim tapered plug slightly wider than a finger
• Same shape, tiny size increase
• Only go bigger when your body clearly wants it

Avoid:

• Household objects
• Toys without bases or proper handles
• Sticky, porous, or mystery materials

If you would be embarrassed to ask a clinician if it is safe, it probably is not.

Positions are about relaxation and control, not performance.

Beginner friendly options:

• Side lying – easiest to breathe and talk, low intensity.
• On your back, knees up – good visibility and hand access.
• Over a pillow on your front – naturally angled, less exposing.
• Doggy style – save for later. Often deeper and more intense.

Add cushions as needed. If your back, hips or jaw tense, your butt will join in.

Anal play does not end when the toy or finger comes out. Aftercare is part of the experience.

Right after:

• Remove condoms
• Wash toys
• Warm shower if you like
• Drink water
• Gentle cuddling or quiet time

Emotional reactions such as feeling floaty, vulnerable, or sleepy are normal.

Next day:

• Mild soreness is normal
• Sharp pain, ongoing bleeding, fever, or feeling unwell means seek care
• If spotting happened, rest a few days and step down a size next time

You should feel cared for, not scraped or punished.

Normal:

• Stretch
• Fullness
• Mild next day ache

Not normal:

• Sharp pain
• Burning
• Heavy or ongoing bleeding
• Dizziness or fever

If you have fissures, inflammatory bowel disease, recent surgery or severe hemorrhoids, talk to your clinician first.

Will I poop on someone?
It can happen. Shower and an optional small rinse reduce the chance. Wipes and grown adults fix the rest.

Does anal have to hurt the first time?
No. Stretch is normal. Pain is a stop sign.

Do I need to douche every time?
Not every time. A quick douche rinse does make for more security.

Will anal stretch me permanently?
Not with proper lube, technique and pacing. Muscles recover.

Can people orgasm from anal alone?
Some can. Many enjoy the sensations, closeness and emotional intensity without chasing climax.

Can anal be my main intimacy?
Yes. If that is where you feel most present and connected, that is valid.

Here is the version of anal intimacy I want for you:

• You have lube you chose on purpose.
• You move slowly.
• You breathe.
• You say what you need.
• You stop when your body is done.
• You clean up without scraping or stinging.
• You wake up the next day feeling used in a good way, not hurt.

That is the standard I built Seloura around. Anal is not a stunt. It is a way to feel at home in your body.

Take one more breath.

You are allowed to:

• Go slow
• Change your mind
• Stay shallow forever
• Treat safety as the baseline

When you want more detail, read the Wellness guides on lube, prep, toy care, and aftercare. You deserve better than porn education and guesswork.

With love,
Seloura