Before the bedroom, take a normal shower. Wash the area around your butt with gentle soap and warm water. That is enough for most people. If you like an extra fresh feel, use a soft cloth and warm water just around the rim. Skip harsh soaps inside. No need to overdo it. You dry off, pull on something that makes you feel relaxed, and breathe. Shoulders down. Jaw loose. Your body is already getting the message that there is no test to pass here.

Timing and tummy comfort

Give yourself a couple of hours after a heavy meal. Sip water through the afternoon. If you are sensitive, keep spicy foods for another day. Use the bathroom before your shower. Done.

For most first timers, a thicker water based gel keeps things simple and kind. It spreads evenly, cushions well, plays nice with condoms and toys, and rinses clean when you want a reset. If you have silicone toys, a water based gel avoids compatibility questions. If you love silicone lube, keep it for toy free nights or check the toy maker for compatibility.

Pick a gentle formula. Many thick gels use ingredients or concentrations that can feel drying. Look for glycerin free options and styles described as sensitive skin friendly.

Put the bottle where you can grab it without breaking the moment. You will use more than you expect, and that is a good thing.

Condom notes

Latex, polyisoprene, and polyurethane condoms all work well with water based gels. If latex bothers you, choose polyisoprene or polyurethane.

Important: skip oils with latex condoms. Oils can weaken latex and increase breakage risk.

If you switch from butt to vaginal play in the same session, change the condom and wash hands or toys first. A pea sized amount of gel inside the condom tip can add comfort, but keep it small so the condom stays put.

Toy materials in plain words

Silicone, glass, and stainless steel are non porous and easy to clean. Many soft toys are porous. Keep porous toys for anal only or use a condom over the toy and change it if you switch body areas. Always choose a flared base for anything going in your butt. That is your safety handle.

Back to the bed. Lights how you like them. A clean towel under hips if you want it. The story starts with breath and touch, not immediate pressure.

You or your partner rest a warm hand on your lower back. One palm on your belly. Slow inhale, slow exhale. Your pelvic floor drops a little on the exhale. That drop is your friend.

Add a little gel to a fingertip and circle the outside of your butt. No rush to go in. Circling wakes up nerves and lets your body soften. Ask yourself a simple question. Do I want more, or do I want to stay here. Either answer is perfect.

Pelvic floor softening moves

If you enjoy a small routine, try three slow belly breaths, a gentle wiggle of your hips side to side, then three more breaths. Think heavy tailbone, soft jaw, loose throat. The body mirrors itself. A relaxed jaw often helps a relaxed pelvic floor. Short nails help. A smooth nitrile glove with gel can feel even comfier and cleaner.

When you want more, add fresh gel to the fingertip and to your entrance. Place the fingertip at the opening and wait. On a slow exhale, allow the first small part of the finger to glide in. Stop there. Breathe. Let your body catch up. Stillness often feels better than motion. Your inner ring takes time, not force. Skip numbing creams. They can hide pain, which is your stop sign.

If you feel a stretch and a warm fullness without sharpness, you can stay, breathe, and enjoy. If you feel heat, drag, or resistance, add more gel before anything else. If your butt tenses, step back, circle the rim again, or pause and cuddle. Your body leads and you follow.

Seloura tip: want beginner friendly gels that are toy safe and rinse clean. See Best Lube for First Time Anal for easy picks.

Control feels safest when the receiver can steer. Side lying with a pillow between the knees. On top with easy angles. A supported dogleg with a cushion under the hips. Choose what lets you breathe and talk.

Tiny adjustments matter. A small change in angle or depth can turn a so so sensation into a yes that moves through your whole body. Keep your words simple. Slower. Hold. More gel. That is enough language for now.

Position notes that help in real life

• Side lying: easy to relax the belly and breathe. Great for long, slow warm up.

• Receiver on top: you control angle, depth, and pace with tiny body shifts.

• Supported dogleg: a cushion under your hips helps align your spine and takes pressure off your lower back.

• Standing bent over a bed edge: better for later sessions, not a first entry. Save it until your body knows the shape.

If you want to try a toy, pick a slim, tapered plug with a proper flared base. Add a generous coat of gel to you and to the toy. Place the tip at the entrance and wait. Exhale and invite the first part in. Hold there. Let your muscles relax around it. Only move deeper when your body gives a clear yes.

Size jumps should be tiny. A few millimetres in girth can be a lot for a first session. If the next step feels too big, it is too big today. Stay where it feels good. Pleasure grows in repeatable steps, not leaps.

A simple sizing roadmap

• Stage 1: fingertip plus circles at the rim.

• Stage 2: slim, tapered plug that tops out a little wider than a finger.

• Stage 3: same shape, a touch wider. Stay here for a few sessions.

• Stage 4: gentle toy with a long neck, still with a flared base.

There is no rush to move between stages. You can live in Stage 2 for weeks and still be doing it right.

Looking for a slim, tapered starter with a proper flared base and a soft finish. See Body Safe Anal Toys for Women for beginner picks.

Beginners often think movement is the goal. The secret is stillness. Stillness lets your butt decide how much stretch feels good. The giver can hold steady while the receiver breathes and relaxes. Then, a small nudge. Then still again. This is not a race. It is a conversation.

Your rule of thumb

If you are holding your breath, you are going too fast. If you can sigh out and feel your belly soften, you are in the right zone.

Partner roles that really help

The giver watches breath, eyes, and shoulders. If the receiver’s breath goes short or the shoulders creep up, that is a cue to pause and add gel. The giver asks short questions. This depth okay. Want stillness or a tiny nudge. Want more gel. Keep it simple. The receiver answers with simple words or touches. That keeps nervous systems steady.

Any time glide drops, stop and add more gel. Not later. Now. A quick top up saves your tissue and keeps your nervous system in a calm place. Warmth or stickiness are early signs. Treat them like a friendly tap on the shoulder that says, more cushion please.

If you feel you have lost your rhythm, do a tiny reset. Pull back to the rim, circle, breathe, and then re invite the sensation. You can do as many resets as you like. Resets are not a step backward. They are how bodies learn.

Troubleshooting common snags

• Everything feels too intense: step down a size, add gel, return to circles.

• Body keeps clenching: try side lying, longer exhales, and hand on belly.

• Mind is busy: pause for a cuddle. You can continue after two minutes of stillness.

• Toy feels stuck on the way out: add gel and twist slowly as you exhale. Do not yank. If it does not budge or you feel pain, stop and seek help at an emergency department. They see this often and help without judgment.

Stretch and fullness can be normal while your body learns the shape. A gentle ache can show up when you sit in a new size. Those should ease with breath, stillness, and a fresh layer of gel.

Stop signs to trust
Sharp pain is not normal. Tearing or burning is not normal. If you feel those, stop immediately. You never need to push through. If a small spot of blood shows when you wipe and stops within a few minutes, rest and reassess your plan for next time. If bleeding is more than a spot or continues, or if you feel unwell at any time, seek care the same day.

Medical history notes
If you have an active fissure, recent rectal surgery, a flare of inflammatory bowel disease, or severe hemorrhoids, wait until things settle and ask your clinician before trying again.

Pregnancy note
Gentle anal play can be fine for many people in pregnancy. If you have hemorrhoids, bleeding, pain, or any pregnancy complications, check with your care provider first and keep pressure light.

Quick clean, then land

When you are done, remove condoms and dispose of them. Wash reusable toys with mild soap and warm water, then set them to dry. A warm shower can feel like a hug for your nervous system. If the outside of your butt feels a little tender, a small amount of fragrance free barrier balm on the outside only can soothe the skin. Drink some water. Have a snack. Let your body land.

Mild soreness the next day can happen, especially if you tried a new size. Rest, a warm bath, and gentle movement help. If you had spotting, give it a day or two before trying again and step down a size next time. If soreness hangs around for more than a day or two, reduce size or pressure on the next session.

Cleaning toys the simple way

Rinse, mild soap, rinse again, dry with a clean towel, and store. If the toy is porous, keep it for anal only or use a condom over it. If it is non porous like silicone, glass, or stainless steel, you can use it in different ways on different days, but clean between uses and change condoms if you switch body areas.

Optional rinsing

Most beginners feel fine with a normal shower and gentle external cleanse. If you prefer a rinse, use body temperature water only with a small bulb, about 60 to 120 millilitres, and at most one or two gentle rinses. No soaps or saline mixes. Allow your body to settle before play.

Rimming hygiene

If rimming is on the menu, a quick wash first lowers tummy bug risk. A dental dam or a cut open condom adds a layer of protection.

Sometimes your butt says no. That is information, not failure. Maybe you were tired. Maybe your mind was busy. Maybe your body just wanted touch without stretch. You can always come back to this. Pleasure has no deadline.

Write a few notes for yourself. Which position felt easiest. Which gel worked best. How long warm up took before your body said yes. You are not collecting data for a test. You are leaving small kindnesses for your future self.

A tiny example map

• Side lying felt safest.

• Warm up took fifteen minutes before my body said yes.

• The slim tapered plug felt perfect with two top ups of gel.

• Better on an almost empty stomach.

Four lines you can glance at next time and feel ready.

Here is how a gentle first session might flow.

You two talk on the couch and agree on boundaries. You shower, trim, and set up the space. Lights softer. Towel down. Gel on both nightstands. You breathe together on the bed, one hand on your belly, one on your lower back. You circle the rim with a warm fingertip and a little gel. You pause to feel if your body wants more.

You exhale and invite a fingertip inside. You hold still. You feel your muscles wrap and then soften. You add a little more gel. Your partner checks in. You say, hold. Then, okay. You try a tiny push deeper. You pause again. Stillness. Breath. A yes. You keep the depth modest and the rhythm slow. You top up gel the moment glide dips. You stop before your body is overwhelmed. You cuddle. You shower. You eat something small and salty. You sleep like someone who listened to themselves.

That is a good first time.

Do I need an enema for this?
Most beginners do not. A normal shower and a gentle external cleanse are enough. If you prefer a rinse, use body temperature water only, a small bulb about 60 to 120 millilitres, and at most one or two gentle rinses. No soaps or saline mixes, and let your body settle before play.

How long should warm up take?
As long as it takes for your body to feel safe and comfortable. Many people spend ten to thirty minutes. Some take longer. If comfort does not arrive, pause and try another day.

What size is best for a first plug?
Choose a slim, tapered plug with a proper flared base. Many beginners like a tip close to a finger width and a modest maximum girth. Smaller is fine. You can always grow from there.

How much lube do I really need?
More than you think. Coat your entrance, your finger or toy, and the condom if you are using one. Top up whenever you feel warmth, drag, or stickiness. Keeping a gentle water based gel within reach makes this easy.

Can I use silicone lube?
Silicone lube is condom friendly, but some silicone toys do not love it. Some are fine. Check the toy maker’s advice. If you are unsure, use a water based gel to keep things simple and toy safe.

What about scent or warming lubes?
Unscented formulas are kinder to sensitive skin. Warming effects can feel intense for beginners. Start with a plain water based gel. You can explore textures later.

Is anal play safe during pregnancy?
Many people enjoy gentle anal play in pregnancy. If you have hemorrhoids, bleeding, pain, or any pregnancy complications, check with your care provider first and keep pressure light.

How can I reduce STI risk?
Use condoms for penetration. For rimming, a dental dam or cut open condom adds protection. Change condoms and wash hands or toys before switching from butt to vaginal play.

Take one more breath. Your body is not a problem to solve. It is a place to live and feel things. You are allowed to go slow. You are allowed to stop. You are allowed to celebrate tiny wins that no one else will notice. A softer jaw. A deeper exhale. A yes that arrives in its own time.

When you want more guidance, I am here.

With love,
Seloura